From the moment my husband and I announced that we were expecting we’ve been showered with attention, well-wishes, cards, and gifts from family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. This is truly an exciting time for us and I’m loving every minute. I also feel like I’m being indoctrinated into a special sub-culture of women. The mothers I know who have experienced the wonder of pregnancy, labor, birth and parenting have welcomed me with open arms. It’s my turn. These amazing women have been sharing their pearls of wisdom with me, too. I’ve recorded their sentiments to treasure for years to come. 
“Your rear end is getting big. You must be having a girl.” - My 95 year old neighbor. I know she’s 95, but come on! There’s no excuse for that.
 
“I hate that name.” - My mother-in-law’s reaction when I told her a baby name we’re considering. Thanks, but why don’t you tell me how you really feel?
“Are you constipated yet?” - My best friend in Florida. Now that’s just gross and none of your business.
“It’s going to hurt really badly.” - A colleague at a conference. Thanks, no one has ever mentioned that before. Good to know.
“Your boobs are getting big.” - A co-worker. OK…maybe I don’t mind this one so much.
“Oh, just you wait.” - My sister’s daily reminder that I have no idea what I’m in for. Wait for what? The next insensitive comment to come out of your mouth? Yeah you’re right…I can’t wait.
“Eat almonds and you won’t need an episiotomy.” - My sister-in-law. Huh? I’m not even touching that one.
What’s wrong with you people?? Let’s get a few things straight… (1) I don’t need this, (2) every pregnancy is unique and (3) I hate old wives tales and bad health information. Why do women feel the need to haze each other in this way? I’m putting my foot down and from now on if I hear anything other than, “you’re glowing” you’re going to be at the receiving end of my hCG-estrogen-progesterone wrath. Got it? OK, phew…I feel better. Somebody get me a snack.

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